Being Human

“I’m not in search of sanctity, sacredness, purity; these things are found after this life, not in this life; but in this life I search to be completely human: to feel, to give, to take, to laugh, to get lost, to be found, to dance, to love and to lust, to be so human.”  – C. Joybell. C

A friend asked me to ‘translate’ a gesture of her guy friend who’s been making a move on her recently. She told me this and that, how she’s been friends for a loooong time with this guy and afraid if she mislead the signal and/or the friendship itself will come to and end if it doesn’t work between them. I said : the heck with what-if, reading a guy’s signal, etc. Just go with it.

Most of the times, we create our own problem and complicate things by over-think a simple stuff. Not that I said love is a simple stuff, but hey, you’ll go crazy trying to be a fortune-teller of what might come next.

I believe most of us yearn for love, to be loved by the person you love in a relationship. In order to experience that you can’t just sit around and wait for prince charming to knock on your door to bring you a glass shoe. Your dream guy may be that muscular italiano signor figure with Jason Statham’s killer jawbone, dimples and sexy eyes, yes yes I hear you. But stop it, that shy geeky guy that you always put in your friend-zone, always cheer you up when you’re down, he accompanies you to your favorite art exhibition. He might not be Jason Statham, but he adores you and love to make you the happiest girl on earth. Isn’t that what we are looking for? Someone who will be there for us through ups and downs, someone to laugh with, someone who cares for you when no one does, a best friend, a lover, a protector. Soon you will come to your sense that there is no picture perfect. No one does and neither you.

So, first thing first, stop being an idealist and start being realistic instead. Keep your feet on earth.  You can’t live in a criteria, you have to live your life. You can’t wait for your plans to materialize, because they may never materialize the way you think they will. You can’t wait to watch your ideals and standards walk up to you, because you can’t know what’s yours until you have it. Growing up means learning what life is. growing up takes that even one step further, growing up means that you have to hold on to what you have, when you have it, because what you have- that’s yours- and all the ideals and criteria you have set in your head, those aren’t yours, because those haven’t happened to you. Growing up means learning what life is, and that is including love.

You can’t fall in love with a standard, you have to fall in love with a person. 

Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say “I will be ready when I am perfect” because then you will never be ready

I believe in going with the flow. I don’t believe in fighting against the flow. You ride on your river and you go with the tides and the flow. But it has to be your river, not someone else’s.

When I get into my river, I get  all the bruises, all the wounds, all the scars, while it goes up and down and upside down, sometimes I get thrown out and I hit my head, but I crawl back in again and the moment I’m back in, it just keeps on going and going again. Guess what, I’m not addicted with pain but I know I wasn’t born to stand on the sidewalk and watch all the fun up there. Butterflies don’t care if the whole world saw their colors or not! But what matters is that they flew, they glided, they hovered, they saw, they felt, and they loved the ones whom they flew with. That is an existence of living.

I can’t decide if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl or the other way around. I’m a flawed person. I’m random and I’m always growing, learning, changing. And in this lifetime, I chose to be completely human and I don’t wanna throw even one of my moments away.

There is no comfort and assurance. You stand and you deal. You face the world with a head held high and you carry the universe in your heart.




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