Relationship

Love isn’t practical

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From what I have learnt, love has never been easy

Fron what I have felt, love can hurt so deep

From what I have seen, love can’t always conquer everything

From everything that has been through, some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.

And yet, loving you is one of the best thing ever happened to me

Ness

Relationship

Soul mates

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I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence. (lang leav)

and in this life time, I have to say goodbye to you… again.

I will carry a fragment of you with me, so you could find me your missing piece after life.

So perhaps, I will see you in another life time, in another dimension.

Goodnight, my soul mate.

Ness

Relationship

Happy Ending

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Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on.

Ness

Relationship

If only he would commit…

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ―Peter F. Drucker

I feel like someone slaps me in the face when I read about this. Ever since more friends and families are asking about when I will be married, I have been thinking about relationship and commitment A LOT. I can assure you it’s not because I feel intimidated with the question, but you know, this thing is kind of intriguing.  Deep down, I know I am yearning for a committed relationship and looking forward to the bright future, but I feel like I’m losing my faith here. It just happened over and over again. I find myself attracting the wrong type of guy over and my relationship compass is might be off and in need of a calibration.

He may still love you. He probably doesn’t know what he wants. He probably still thinks about you all the time. BUT what matters is WHAT HE’S DOING ABOUT IT.

Another slap on my face.

How many times you’ve found yourself yet again in a relationship with an incredible guy that has all the wonderful potential only you can see, if only he would commit? Oh yes, I can tell. We keep repeating this pattern over and over again. It’s sucks facing a dilemma with no clear answers; and waiting around to see if he is going to commit to us and the relationship. We so want to believe that he will be different from the rest, but unfortunately he will not be in the near future.

I can understand how frustrating to be in the state whether to cut him loose or to keep this relationship. Often times, we do what we always do. We holding onto hope and trying to see as many positive signs as we can. The thought of losing him keeps us staying. The thought of him committing to someone else if we decide we’ve had enough, keeps us putting our own needs on hold. We’re afraid this might be our one and only shot at the real thing. I can understand the frustration, trust me, been there.

During the frustration state, it’s difficult to imagine the idea of letting him go. I’d love the idea to just easily let go and move on, but you know it just doesn’t go that way. Then I start to think, if I might be too pushy, too demanding, too impatient, too insecure, too anxious, too needy. I can’t imagine that I’m me who is caring, loving, understanding – will do such cruel thing to hurt someone I love. But then again, I come to my common sense that this isn’t about me since the very first; it’s his issue, not mine. Why am I beating myself like this?

It takes some times for me to come to an understanding that I’d like to share with you:

1. It takes two to tango. Means when it comes to a commitment, both parties have to be on the same page and willing to do the work TOGETHER.

2. This commitment issue has nothing to do with age. I have been told about men in their twenties are mostly afraid of having a committed relationship. But hey, I have MANY guy friends who are married in their early (or) mid twenties, it turned out they love marriage life and they become awesome husbands and dads. So no, there is no particular age about commitment issue.

3. You CANNOT change a guy who won’t commit, not just by loving him more or caring him more. His inability to commit to you really doesn’t have anything to do with you

4.  If he’s going to come around, it will be when he’s ready, not on your timetable.

So, having read those 4 points above, please do yourself (and him) a favor: let him deal with his issue, walk away and commit to loving and respecting and caring for yourself more than he ever could. Make yourself available for the kind of relationship that you truly want, truly deserve, with a man who is ready and wants a committed relationship in the same way you do.

Going against your nature would be uncomfortable and painful. However, analyzing it and second-guessing it and trying to figure out why so you can fix it, isn’t going to make a difference too. The two of you would be perfect for each other – if a committed relationship is what he was looking for.  But he’s not.  And we are. He’s not a bad guy – he just doesn’t have a heart to tell you that he’s not ready. Practically, it’s just not a match. We deserve a real relationship with someone who wants to be with us, who wants the same things we want and who has a picture of us in his future.

What if he comes around and it might be too late?

The only assurance you have is that you will be the first to know if he decides he’s ready to commit to you. He knows how to get in touch with you. That’s how it works.  It’s just not now.  Not with him.  And you know it.

If it’s fated, you will find each other once again.

Live your life, beautiful.

Ness

Life Story, Relationship

What else matters?

Earlier today, I received an email from a penpal, telling me a story about his epic love stories that unfortunately didn’t turn out to be a happy-ever-after love story. Having read his story, if I were him, I’d be traumatized dealing with love. However, every fairy tale has its ending, but we get to feel and embrace the pain and love in it. Every story has to come to an end, but if there’s no story, what else is to write in your book of life? Think about it.

I stumbled upon Bob Marley’s saying, spend some time to read this :

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

“You may not be her/his first, her/his last, or her/his only. She/he loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters?” – Bob Marley

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Cheers,

Ness