Relationship

Different Flavors of Wrong

I had this typical of he-likes-me-but-not-my-type conversation yesterday. Yes again, for the hundredth time.

How long have you waited for the man/woman that seem quite right for you? 10 years? 20 years?

Have you started to think that the numbers of qualified man/woman has been declining for the past years, and all the good ones are taken? And then you start to blame yourself that you might be too nerdy or too chubby or too tall or too short, to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. And the climax stop at you trying to justify all the bullshits such as ‘I have not given a thought of a boyfriend yet’, ‘I need to focus on my career first’, and blah blah.

I need you to stop right now and get yourself a mirror.

The truth is you are perfect and amazing human being, just as you are, whether you are chubby, short, tall, geek, weird, fair skin, dark skin, etc.

The truth is there might be several men tried to ask you out in the past, but you deliberately shove them away just because you think he wasn’t decent enough for you.

The truth is you just think too much before it haven’t even started yet. Just jump and fall!

And to top it all, you just have way too many boundaries and see too many flaws in people, that you can’t see that you are fill of flaws as well.

I apologize for the harsh words, but sometimes I feel the urge to personally slap these people to stop creating unreasonable scenarios in their head, so they could get back on their feet that there is no right person. and neither are you.

He ain’t right.

You ain’t right.

Together both of you could be right for each other.

 

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Release the fear. Stop finding the wrong in people, and start looking for the goodness in them.

 

-Ness-

Life Story

Red Alpha Dragon

First, let me rant to you for a while about how upset I was today to some ‘authorities’ at work who think that my aura is intimidating others. Yes, you read it right, it’s about my aura. Oh by the way, I have a RED AURA. Unfortunately, it’s not just my ‘alpha’ trait that bothers some people, but now my red aura is another one to blame. 

Many of you will not believe to this thing named aura, but they do exist. Aura is actually the glow illuminated by your energy and your aura color usually reflects your personality, your purpose and priority in life. I don’t know how to see a person’s aura but it can be learned. And so some people (including psychologist and indigo friends) see that my aura is red.

Some explanation I took from a website that elaborates red aura personality :

(courtesy of : http://www.whatsmyaura.com)

Reds – a strong aura within the physical color group – approach life with gusto and courage, and have tremendous physical, emotional and spiritual energy. Reds are at their best when they can engage in physical activities within their environment and through direct physical contact with others. Reds possess great passion and endurance for life and activities. They are great at sensing and overcoming all obstacles in life, work, and relationships. Reds are doers – give a red an idea or plan and it will be turned into action. Reds use all five physical senses to make decisions. If a Red cannot get in touch with one of the senses, if something is out of balance, then they will stall until their needs have been fulfilled. 

 

REDS & PERSONALITY: 

You will test your physical limit and seek victory at any cost; you must manage every aspect of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual life. Mentally, you really live in your head, planning your next physical challenge, and then actually moving that plan forward into reality. You are curious, and must understand practical applications for everything that you learn. You will get bored quickly if you do not have the opportunity to work “hands on”. You are intelligent and have survivor instincts that will help you conquer roadblocks in your life. Emotionally, you are unable to harness your behavior and/or feelings; you are exuberant, forthright, honest, direct, explosive, and will respond physically in both negative and positive ways to others. Socially, you like people around you in order to help them, understand them and interact with them in all aspects of their lives. You will approach a relationship with lust, and prefer mates who are passionate, intelligent, quick to make decisions, and are physically active. 

 

REDS & CAREER: 

You are direct, honest and sometimes blunt with your opinions. You definitely have leadership qualities, and you like to lead by showing others physically how to do something. You have high standards concerning the quality of work you do and accomplish, and often, you work simultaneously with your mind and your body. You usually make decisions quickly, and if someone does not think or see things as rapidly as you do, you may become angry and finish a project yourself.  You use money as a means to get the things that you will need to succeed at your craft or hobby. You have a great deal of strength – both mentally and physically – and you have great determination and courage. Good career choices for you will be working with your environment in some capacity – perhaps as a Policeman or Paramedic, Surgeon, Construction Worker, Professional Sportsman, Military.

 

So, having read all the above detailed elaboration of a RED, you might know a little bit of my character. Red in aura color is the color of root chakra and it stands for action, movement, fight, and survival mechanism as well as stability. Aggression is commonly found in people with predominantly red color aura. It takes a very strong, independent, self-realized person to handle the fiery personality of a Red. 

Now, lets add it up with my alpha-ness and my chinese astrology : a dragon. Yes, it is lethal. 

A couple of years ago, some friends suggested that I am an alpha female that unfortunately, often times I can be very intimidating and domineering. I had an ex and a couple of guy friends also told me that they feel intimidated by me. My existence. It was shocking. I did try to keep it low, but I became frustrated and lost. It’s just not my nature. 

Today, some of ‘authorities’ at my workplace told me that I have this red aura all over me (when does this all mystic relates to professionalism?) and it’s intimidating my new direct supervisor, an oversensitive lousy man who has zero leadership trait in his bones (quoting the ‘authorities’). The ‘authorities’ placed me in this new team, in hope I could be a model for this sunken-team, a total chaotic place with zillion complaints from our clients (now zillion has been reduced to millions) and too much estrogen there turned every working day a non-stop drama series. 

Long story short, it’s been 3 months since I took and tried to fix some shits created by this team. The ‘authorities’ happy, everybody’s happy. I thought I did well, less complaint more business. Unfortunately, the supervisor felt threaten by me and reported how I wasn’t being supportive to him (long story with irrelevant cause-effect actually). W-T-F. Not to forget the climax, he almost cried when the ‘authorities’ admonished him for not doing his role as it supposed to be.

“Put a poker face,” they said. 

“Your red aura is intimidating him. We acknowledged your great works BUT bear with him” 

That sounds ridiculous, right? How can my aura intimidate other people?

FYI, I NEVER, not even once in my life, discredit the people around me or put any harm to them. I am not sorry for being professional and focus on what I do. If I deserve any compliment or appreciation, that is because I work my ass off. I am not sorry if my whole existence becomes a threat to any particular person. 

I am not a spoiled brat.

I don’t cry and dwell over problems and runaway.

I am strong-headed person and stubborn, but I can distinguish what is right and wrong, what is subjective and objective.

I acknowledge someone’s power, but it is my decision not to respect that person if he/she doesn’t deserve my respect.

I am an arrogant and ambitious person, but I never meant any harm to other human being.

Last but not least, I refuse to be a coward and I face what is in front of me instead. 

To all the REDS out there, do not cover your glow. You are meant to stand out. Take the lead, if you must, but do not harm anyone. Survival is our basic instinct, we are all human being trying to thrive in this imperfect life. Time won’t stop and can’t be reversed, stop trying to be anyone else but you. Life will throw problems at us, wait for us to crumble, but REDS are destined to fight and conquer all the roadblocks. Life expects us not to mope and mourn, but to get back up and carry on. Someday, we will be able to look at ourselves differently, that we can carry on brilliantly and said ‘I did it’. 

So here I am : a RED ALPHA DRAGON. 😀 

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Ness

 

Life Story

Be strong

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Be thankful for difficult times, because during that time you grow.

There’d be no good days, if there weren’t any bad ones. The sky wouldn’t be blue, if it were never black.

The end is uncertain and I’ve never been so afraid, but I don’t need a telescope to see that there’s a HOPE and that makes me feel brave.- tidal wave, owl city

Keep your chin up! Be strong

Ness

Life Story

What do you say?

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Often we… expect and want every day to be just like today.  Even though we’re not satisfied with today, we settle for security instead of discovery.

BUT…

If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained.

SO…

What do you say to takin’ chances?
What do you say to jumpin’ off the edge?
Never knowin’ if there’s solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?

Ness

Life Story

Fight On!

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This is one of the SADDEST stories ever told in Hollywood. His name is Sylvester Stallone. One of the BIGGEST and Most famous American Movie superstars. Back in the day,Stallone was a
struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewellery and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes,he slept at the New York bus station for 3 day…s. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to any
stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold it at $25 only. He says he walked away crying.

Two weeks later,he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie,ROCKY. He wrote the
script for 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in
the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR. Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.

They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. Afew weeks later,the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie. But NOT him. He said NO. He had to be
IN THAT MOVIE.

After a while,the studio agreed,gave him $35,000 for the script and let him star in it! The rest is history! The movie won Best Picture,Best Directing and Best Film Editing at the prestigious
Oscar Awards. He was even nominated for BEST ACTOR! The Movie ROCKY was even inducted into the American National Film Registry as one of the greatest movies ever!

And do You know the first thing he bought with the $35,000? THE DOG HE SOLD. Yes,Stallone LOVED HIS DOG SO MUCH that he stood at the liquor store for 3 days waiting for the man he sold
his dog to. And on the 3rd day,he saw the man coming with the dog. Stallone explained why he sold the dog and begged for the dog back. The man refused. Stallone offered him $100. The
man refused. He offered him $500. And the guy refused. Yes,he refused even $1000. And,Believe it or Not,Stallone had to pay $15,000 for the same,same dog he sold at $25 only! And he
finally got his dog back!

And today,the same Stallone who slept in the streets and sold his dog JUST BECAUSE he couldn’t even feed it anymore,is one of the GREATEST Movie Stars who ever walked the Earth!

Being broke is BAD. Really BAD. Have You ever had a dream? A wonderful dream? But You are too broke to implement it? Too tiny to do it? Too small to accomplish it? Damn! I’ve been there too many times!

Life is tough. Opportunities will pass you by,just because you are a
NOBODY. People will want your products but NOT YOU. Its a tough
world. If you ain’t already famous,or rich or “connected”, You will find it rough.
Doors will be shut on You. People will steal your glory and crash your hopes.You will push and push. And yet NOTHING WILL HAPPEN.

And then your hopes will be crashed.You will be broke. Damn broke. You will do odd jobs for survival. You will be unable to feed yourself. And Yes,you may end up sleeping in the streets.
It happens. Yes,it does.

BUT NEVER LET THEM CRUSH THAT DREAM. Whatever happens to
You,Keep Dreaming. Even when they crush your hopes, Keep Dreaming. Even when they turn you away, Keep Dreaming.
Even when they shut you down,Keep Dreaming.

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF EXCEPT YOURSELF! People will judge You by HOW you look. And by WHAT You have.
But please,Fight on! Fight for Your place in history. Fight for your glory. NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Even if it means selling all your clothes and sleeping with the dogs,ITS OKAY! But AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL ALIVE,Your STORY IS NOT OVER. TRUST ME.

Keep Up the Fight. Keep your dreams and hope alive.

(taken from Shout News Today Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=513799992021417&set=a.260014754066610.60307.260005974067488&type=1)

Life Story, Relationship

Too much

Don’t trust too much. Don’t love too much. Don’t hope too much. Because that too much can hurt you so much.

The above sentence explained how I’ve been feeling for a couple of days. A couple of friends and I were discussing about love issue, when we finally agreed that nowadays love has been overrated. It becomes so complicated and confusing.

What makes it so hard, to fall in love, be with someone you love through ups and downs, and be happy together.
It’s supposed to be that simple. Apparently, it’s way much more complicated.
Where does ‘happy ever after’ goes?
It seems that most of us are to busy loving someone til we forget the existency of love itself.

Yesterday a friend of me told me , that my biggest problem is I love too much. I often over-attached to someone or something that I love, unconsciously. This habit is unexpectedly causing me a heartache, a terrible one. Then I realized that  often times, we lose ourselves during that loving process. We lose our identity. We put the people we love before us, that we don’t realize that we also need to be loved.

I’ve been busy being a warrior, that no one notices when I’m breaking. I’m losing myself that I neglect my own desire. To be loved.

Life currently shows me two choices : endure and survive or leave and fresh start. Is it worth the everything I risk here.

There’s so much at stakes. So much to sacrifice. The question is : how far I’m gonna go.

Honestly, the last thing I want to do is going too far. I’m desperately tired with sacrifice and put too much in everything. I’m tired of hurtful cry. I’ve been longing for a normal life and stop being so strong. No more life surprises. It must be great.

Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you.  Someone who is gonna love you the way you wanted him to need you. Someone who really sees your worth. Someone who will shed my tears and makes me smile again. Someone who stays up with you no matter what mood you are in.

I don’t need too much. Just enough is more than enough.

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Ness